Comments on: Why Let Friendship Get in the Way?

By: edy

edy — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 15:49:01 +0000

when are you crossing the line? how can u put a barrier between the two? i was once asked by the owner to name someone new project manager from a team of 10 people. he already had someone in mind but was curious if i would point out the same. me being part of that team for a long time now i might have an idea in regards to how’s capable of taking it over( my position was neutral because i was leaving the company, so i was giving the best advice). so out of those 10 people only one was more appropriate to do the job and he was the same guy as my owner chose… but knowing that my owner had an argument with the guy in front of everyone making him look stupid, though i was also thinking about him… my answer was someone else and was not good. after my answer the owner told me that he chooses that guy.. but because that fight my decision was influenced by friendship feelings. when it comes down to something like this, how can u stay focus take a right decision and not to have hard feelings after??

By: File storage

File storage — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 07:43:14 +0000

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By: Valeria Maltoni

Valeria Maltoni — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 01:31:34 +0000

Mario — absolutely true, let’s stay professional. When the lines get blurred, it is much harder to go back to strict deadlines and deliverables.
Ryan — welcome to the conversation. Sometimes friendships develop from business relationships. Yes, the definite end point is key.
I got here late and saw these only now. They inspire me to ask everyone: do you then stay away from doing business with a friend? It would seem much easier to operate that way from the comments here…

By: Ryan Turner

Ryan Turner — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 04:09:16 +0000

I’m very careful about how I define “friends” versus “acquaintances” in business (i.e. neither is casual), and take care never to involve the former in anything more than referrals, and the latter in projects according to needs and capacity along the two-way street of trust, ability, thorough documentation and continual communication.
Only within a very narrowly-defined scope. Never big scale, never long range, always with a fixed goal and a definite end point.

By: Ryan Turner

Ryan Turner — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 04:07:21 +0000

By: Mario Vellandi

Mario Vellandi — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 23:07:55 +0000

I think if we try and keep it professional from the get go, the chance of veering off is greatly reduced. Once we get cozy and the lines become a little blurred, it’s a lot more difficult to stay focused. Sure, it’s discipline. But projects and work have certain deliverables which everyone has to understand and agree to. If those aspects, and especially deadlines, are blurry…it can put a lot of strain on the friendship. That’s just my opinion.

By: Valeria Maltoni

Valeria Maltoni — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 20:43:23 +0000

I hear you, David. I do wonder if it’s also a skill of keeping the ability to stay professional and on the issues vs. getting personal and distracted.
Does anyone have an opinion about that?

By: David Reich

David Reich — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 17:17:20 +0000

How do we keep from crossing the line? I wish I knew. It’s probably just a combination of instinct and luck.

By: Valeria Maltoni

Valeria Maltoni — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 20:14:57 +0000

David:
It’s interesting to note (for me) that we do spend a lot of time building relationships to get to the point where possibly work is generated… and yet by our own admission, it is really hard to work with people we are familiar with.
So how do we keep from crossing the line?
____
And to the spammer above you (Ethan): just because you can, it does not mean you should.

By: David Reich

David Reich — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 19:37:16 +0000

The line between friendship and business is indeed a tricky one to cross. The three lessons you give are valid whether or not the person you’re working with is a friend. Clear discussion of details coupled with clear explanation of responsibilities and expectations are essential when any assignment is given to anyone.
The trick is, as you say, not to let familiarity cause you to bypass the discussions and clear delineation of expectations.
Working on a project with a friend can be a real challenge and it can lead to wrecked friendships. If anything, when I consider a friend for a project, I probably impose even tougher standards on him or her than I would for a stranger.

By: Ethan Wiener

Ethan Wiener — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 17:42:23 +0000

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By: Valeria Maltoni

Valeria Maltoni — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 16:00:22 +0000

Well, in my specific example, involving another provider did inflate costs and time lines — especially since they were under the direct supervision of another company and not mine.
As for definitions, see what you think when I swap the word ‘friend’ with person I am familiar with.

By: Lewis Green

Lewis Green — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 13:21:11 +0000

Valeria,
This post awakened me this Tuesday morning. My first thought is “How we you define friends?” I work with a variety of people–clients and freelancers–who I have known for years. But I think of only one or two of them as friends. So I’m not sure I have experiences that mimic yours.
On the other hand, I disagree with hiring only those companies that have the inhouse capability of doing every piece of every job. Many businesses today are virtual companies, including mine. This means that only a few of us work full-time under our banner. Everyone else is a work-for-hire employee. Our clients pay less not more because our overhead is so low. And we almost always beat deadlines by a week or two.
Good post and thanks for sharing.