We are marked each day by the casual collisions that are the artefacts of our existence. There are phone calls, messages and the relative anonymity of online interactions. And in the search for connection, communion or community, we thoughtlessly mistake message for meaning, words for action and interaction for friendship. It’s a confusion of intention …. and we are the poorer for it.
When I began writing my blog I did so with no expectation of return. Like a long-dead star, I felt that I was emitting the weakest of signals with no hope of a destination. The gravity of my expectations was as light as utterance, each word or post marked only by the steam of my breath.
But over time an unexpected, slow kind of success appeared in my orbit. Each comment felt like a gift, each email a revelation, and each face emerged from the ether to reveal some other …. living, breathing, longing being.
Through words, through ideas and by sharing stories we began to find each other …. you and I. And each time we brushed past one another we each revealed, perhaps inadvertently, some secret or grain of truth. And yet in losing some small essence, rather than being diminished ,we grew. We prospered. Not in the way of casual connection, but in more mysterious ways …. for we were encountering ourselves by way of grace.
The paradox, of course, is that with every gift of self, with the free transmission of what-is-mine to what-now-is-yours, our gravity expands. Such reality requires new thinking on all our parts. After all, who among us has not looked with envy on the success of our peers? It’s as if the well-spring of success has only finite resources and each cup taken is a cup lost to us all.
But we are living now in a time and a space where both opportunity and results are being reconsidered. We are turning towards the hard face of generosity …. where an act of grace is not just expected, but is a mandatory condition for a relationship to take root. We are mercenarily applying the judgement of our peers and their peers to the decisions that we make in business, as families and as individuals.
This does not mean that we are un-generous …. quite the opposite. It means that your reputation precedes you. It means we act, not alone, but in cognitive unison. We’d like you to understand this. We’d like to help you make all our worlds better places. It starts by being generous. It starts with good grace.
Very eloquently written, Gavin. I agree that our reputations precede us, especially in this Web 2.0 world. The judgment of our peers existed in years past, too, only it was relegated to a specific geographic area and not as ubiquitous as it is today.
I can remember comments my parents made about others – whether someone in particular had shady business practices or was dishonest. It clouded their perceptions of that person even if they knew him socially and not through a business relationship. Generosity and grace were viewed positively, although not expected, as you say they are now.
We are creatures of comfort and need and the relationships we have online leave us wanting. Human contact has been replaced by tweets and chats and mindless by lines. Can’t we all just take a break from cyberspace and get back to nature and actually have a face-to-face meeting? How nostalgic..
Great piece. Poetic and thoughtful.
I find it fascinating how much we can ‘know’ about someone now prior to even meeting and how often we interact with online acquaintances more than many friends.
The original prophecy was that with technology we would retreat from actual human contact but the reverse is true. It facilitates, encourages and reinforces.
This morning at #coffeemornings I was speaking to someone about a certain person in the Sydney social media scene who is the most generous and warm person you’ll ever know. I’m a little ashamed that if I were to try and emulate her it would be a constant effort to me when it’s so natural to her. But I love the fact that so many people recognise and celebrate her generosity and no matter how obligated these traits become in forging business relationships, those who give naturally will always stand out.
Gavin – this is quite an amazing post from an amazing person…you! I continue to be in awe of your insights – they are thoughtful, wise, positive, helpful and inspiring.
You are quite generous – I was just speaking to someone today about what a great guy you are – you share, you work hard, you make personal connections and are authentic.
Thank you for writing something so appropriate and touching. My day is better for it.
Cheers,
k
Thanks for the feedback, folks. What I love – is as @Elaine and @William point out – our online interactions are driving us to meet offline. It used to be the other way around. It’s making us (I hope) more generous.
Very well said Galvin. This is a great, emotional articulation of what the social web is about. Persistence and dedication will pay off…but you need to have a passion for what you message is to be authentic and stick with it. Well done!