Last night I saw the Pacific Ocean for the first time as I flew into Santa Barbara for MarketingProfs’ Finders Keepers two-day intensive marketing workshop….
An hour after landing, I was drinking wine with workshop participants before resting up for the seminars ahead. I took the opportunity to ask if there were any special copy-related topics they wanted me to cover.
“Yeah,” said one marketer. “How do I know when my copy sucks?”
Here’s a start: Consider a sign I saw at a fast-food counter at the Dallas/Ft. Worth airport yesterday: “We’re sorry. This concept is currently unavailable. Please consider one of our other available concepts.”
“Concept”? I was looking for a pulled-pork sandwich, not a philosophical abstraction.
So — Copy Sucks Detector Number 1: Ridiculous, pretentious language that has absolutely no meaning for your customers. If you mean “restaurant,” say “restaurant.”
Other signs of the vampire’s bite?
* Lots of superlatives such as “excellence,” “cutting-edge” and “innovative.”
* Lack of a clear “what’s in it for the customer” message.
* Shortage of tangible, meaty specifics.
* Presence of self-congratulatory chest beating, i.e., “We’re the world leader in . . . ”
* Reliance on jargon and business babble.
* “Me too” positioning that’s similar to your competitors’ messaging.
The list could go on and on. Feel free to hang the garlic and add your own bites.
Boring copy sucks, too. Just saw this sign pasted on a tip jar at a local Santa Barbara sandwich shop:
“Support Counter Intelligence.”
Makes you WANT to drop in a dollar, doesn’t it?
First observation (more of a questions)…..what in the heck is a Pulled Pork Sandwich? (Is this an East Coast thing?)
Second observation, I think I have used the how NOT to list as a how TO list….is their a cure for vampirism?
I may have to chew on a few of these “concepts” a bit more….
W.R>
Hey, W.R.: A pulled-pork sandwich is actually a wonderful Southern thing, a kind of barbecue that involves cooking a pork butt or shoulder very slooooowly until it falls to pieces. With Elvis and tin roofs, it ranks among the South’s greatest contributions to American culture.
I can’t conceive the idea of conceptualizing a pulled pork sandwich without further visualization followed by the eating process!
Jonathan, to your list I would also add:
“Using a screwdriver to hammer a nail–misusing the English language due to misunderstanding.”
My pet peeve in all of this is the rampant misuse of “enormity.” “Enormity” doesn’t just mean “large.” It means “large evil.” As you can imagine, misunderstanding & misusing this word has caused some curious statements, indeed.