Comments on: Help! I Have Social Media Rejection Syndrome!

By: Clemens

Clemens — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 03:07:09 +0000

If Linked-In is only for keeping contact with known people, then why do they bother to have discussion forums. Leading a discussion from requires finding / connecting to people with similar interests that you might not know, but have expressed keywords in their profile. Discussion forums are rich from diversity. 5 don’t knows you can recieve in 1 day. This policy puzzles me.
Forum Discussion Leader

By: Deni Kasrel

Deni Kasrel — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 23:20:02 +0000

Elaine,
I think this is one of those to each his own kind of things.
I have received LI invites from individuals I do not know, but who may be in a group that I also belong to. Due to that mutual association I accept. On occasion, a sales pitch is quick to follow. This is not harmful to me, but it appears the only reason the person wanted to LI is to sell me something. Is that that really social networking?
Sometimes when I follow someone on Twitter they send a note to also connect on Facebook. I use FB mainly for friends and family and I reply as such. Am I being anti-social? I do not believe so.
It’s a personal choice who you want to connect with, and where you want to do so. Social media is admittedly a more open forum and I am glad for that — I have made connections with wonderful people I would not otherwise even know of — but there are those who abuse the system (the rotten apples) and if a person wants to safeguard against those types, well, to borrow from Bobby Brown, it’s her/his prerogative.

By: Jim

Jim — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 17:00:00 +0000

I’m glad they didn’t accept your invite. It’s nothing personal, but you obviously want to spam LI with your “marketing” and that’s not what it’s for. Not every darn site has to be a marketing or advertising avenue – and there are many of us who would leave LI immediately with any sign that it was turning into Twitter, Facebook, etc.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 14:54:18 +0000

On the linked in invitation window, it does say, only invite people you know. It says:
“Connecting to someone on LinkedIn implies that you know them well:
* They’ll have access to people you know
* Others may ask you about them and vice versa
* You’ll get updates on their activity
LinkedIn lets you invite colleagues, classmates, friends and business partners without entering their email addresses.
However, recipients can indicate that they don’t know you. If they do, you’ll be asked to enter an email address with each future invitation. “

By: dunk sb shoes

dunk sb shoes — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 06:54:06 +0000

Your article very interesting, I have introduced a lot of friends look at this article, the content of the articles there will be a lot of attractive people to appreciate, I have to thank you such an article.

By: Steve Parker

Steve Parker — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 15:45:45 +0000

Hi Elaine,
Both my clients and I have had these same experiences with LinkedIn. I had someone reject me in the same way, but with a twist–this person had a different set of specific rules for different social sites. Under her rules, I was OK to connect with on Twitter, but not LinkedIn. You can’t take it personally. But I think this example shows how far social networks in general have to go to THINK THROUGH the social implications of their functions/policies. As others said, isn’t it their business purpose to facilitate connections? Sometimes the “police” work is a little heavy handed. I am a huge fan of LinkedIn, but believe it could be SO MUCH better than it is. My biggest complaint? THERE IS NO SUGGESTION BOX!

By: Elaine Fogel

Elaine Fogel — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 23:41:37 +0000

Thanks, Archana. What’s the worst that can happen when you hit, “send?” The recipient won’t reply. The worst, of course, is when one says, “I don’t know this person.”
Thanks for sharing your blog post, Kimberly. I believe you are correct.
Apparently, we can purchase a “pass” to connect to anyone on LinkedIn for $10 each. Did anyone know that?

By: Archana sunil

Archana sunil — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 17:14:57 +0000

Hi Elaine:
I agree with you. The whole purpose of LikedIn goes unserved if we can’t connect with people we haven’t met and probably never will.
I am a bit shy of asking people to connect and am quiet nervous when I hit the “Send” button to invite someone. I am worried about being percieved the wrong way.
Having said that thank you for accepting my invitation!
Like someone mentioned just check off those “rejects” and move on. What else can you do anyway?
Regards,
Archana

By: Elaine Fogel

Elaine Fogel — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 02:54:06 +0000

Derrick, that’s a smart analogy. Thanks for sharing.

By: Derrick Sheppard

Derrick Sheppard — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 17:10:24 +0000

I think Danny makes a good point on how we individual tailor Social Media outlets to our needs so I don’t think a therapy should be order .
I recently went to a luncheon on social media and the speaker compared Linked In to the office, Facebook as the backyard bbq, Twitter as the conversation, and MySpace as the bar. I found this comparison to be fairly accurate to venues we come across in our life.

By: Elaine Fogel

Elaine Fogel — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 19:23:32 +0000

Thanks, Heidi. That sounds like a reasonable approach.

By: Heidi Cool

Heidi Cool — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 18:59:32 +0000

I agree with Danny and Beth. I think each person needs to set their own following policies based on their comfort level and goals. That said, one can miss out on opportunities by being too restrictive.
I’ve become more selective on all networks, but LinkedIn is where I’m most restrictive. I will accept requests from people I’ve never met, but only after we’ve made some sort of connection, like sharing info in the Q&A’s via blogs, etc.
A trend I’m seeing is that I will get a message from someone thanking me for an answer or discussing some conversation we’ve had. They will then ask if I would be willing to connect and give me their e-mail so that I can use it to make the invitation back. I like this because it let’s me understand why they want to make the connection and they leave it in my hands.
On Facebook I connect with people I know in real life, have several common friends with, or have gotten to know pretty well on another network.
On Twitter I don’t have to know them at all. They just need to have a complete profile, participate in conversation, not be trying to build a huge following, and post interesting Tweets.
Overall I think we just each come up with the rules that will suit us best.

By: Elaine Fogel

Elaine Fogel — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 17:05:25 +0000

Thanks, Tina. I’m not sure that LI users understand that the “I don’t know” response creates a black mark against the invitation requester. You’re lucky that people just ignore your request. That seems a more polite approach.
Hi, Richard. That has happened to me, too – waiting a long time for people to respond. In those cases, their infrequent use can’t bring any value to the conversation anyway.

By: Richard Saling

Richard Saling — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 16:32:01 +0000

Hi Elaine. I have been rejected as well by people that I have met a few times. I just forget about it and move on. On the other side, I have tried cutting back on my acceptance of invites that are the standard invite from total strangers. If a person doesn’t even add a personal note on the invite, I wonder why we should connect. I never click “I don’t know”. I just archive it. If you have met the person a few times, maybe that is a hint that they don’t want to continue the relationship? There have been other times where I won’t get an acceptance for months. Some people just aren’t on LI as much as others…
I hope this added value to the conversation.

By: Tina Gleisner, Founder Assn of Home Professionals

Tina Gleisner, Founder Assn of Home Professionals — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 10:38:47 +0000

Thanks for starting this dialog. I actually got that “you’ve invited too many people you don’t know” slap a few weeks back. I was pretty amazed as I do invite a few people I don’t know, but I always explain my connection (I say you on so & sos contact list). I then explain why I would be interested in connecting, i.e. how I think we could benefit. I’ve never received a “don’t know you” response, just no response but for 500 invites, I have less than 10 of these – lots of people I do know, never respond.

By: Ian Hendry

Ian Hendry — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 16:07:28 +0000

This is a very interesting thread. I'm with you Elaine in believing that a networking site should enable you to network. Not only do I think LinkedIn should NOT be punishing us for reaching out beyond the circle of contacts we know, it should be actively providing tools to help broker those valuable new relationships. Think about it: LinkedIn has 45 million members and many of those are buying things every week. Just as many are selling things. It amuses me greatly that LinkedIn calls itself a business networking site and yet does NOTHING to help engage those buyers and sellers with each other. It's not helping business get done, nor networking! LinkedIn REALLY needs to start looking to make tools available to enable its members to get more value. Few know that Google currently holds a Google Profile on everyone who's ever registered on Google (as an exmaple, here's mine: http://www.google.com/profiles/wecando.biz) and within it is a capability to state who you work for and provide contact details. All it needs is Google to beef these up before pushing them hard and LinkedIn loses most of its traffic overnight. Ian Hendry CEO, WeCanDo.BIZ http://www.wecando.biz

By: Elaine Fogel

Elaine Fogel — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 15:25:45 +0000

@Strategic Growth Advisors: I like that: “anti-social media!” A whole new trend!
@Alisa: Thanks for your empathy. I agree with you.
@Heidi: When you agree to link to someone in one of your LI groups, at least you know that you have similar professional interests. That’s what I have done – invited people in my professional areas, who happen to be members of the same groups, to link up. Based on what I have heard here, however, most do not practice this approach.

By: Elena Berger

Elena Berger — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 15:25:43 +0000

I’m with your dissenters, Elaine. As a marketing professional, you should know that trying to add someone to your list of connections without at least introducing yourself first is a no-no. Most social network users are way too aware of spammers, scammers, and climbers to accept every request that comes their way. Your rejector had the courtesy to explain her reasons; I probably would not have bothered. But now that I know who you are, feel free to look me up on Linked In.

By: Heidi Strom Moon

Heidi Strom Moon — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 13:37:08 +0000

I don’t usually like to leave “me, too” comments, but well … @KatieMorse: what she said! That’s exactly how I use those channels, too — each has an audience and a use. And I’ll confess I even go one further in Twitter and have separate accounts for professional and private use. (Pro: @heidimoon).
There is inevitably some blurring of the lines, however. I’ve occasionally received LinkedIn requests from people I don’t know, but either recognize from Twitter (or, for a while, Plurk) or a LinkedIn group I belong to. And I have a small number of connections on Facebook that are strictly professional which I manage via the groups and privacy settings.
Once you’ve decided how you want to use these channels, I actually think it’s a good idea to let other users know why and how you connect on them, rather than leave them wondering why their invitation wasn’t accepted.
It all comes down to individual comfort level.

By: Alisa Carter

Alisa Carter — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 07:56:32 +0000

Elaine, I think there are people who have different perspective regarding “What social networking is”? So don’t feel rejected

By: Strategic Growth Advisors

Strategic Growth Advisors — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 04:09:05 +0000

Elaine, in my own perspective, I think there are just people who have a different idea of what social media is.
Maybe the person you gave an invitation to had a “different” brand of social media.
Or perhaps I am missing out on things: is there a new trend out there called “anti-social media?”

By: Elaine Fogel

Elaine Fogel — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 03:18:40 +0000

I guess you’re right, Danny. I never realized how differently people use LI until today. In some ways, I feel that I should temper my usage, but on the other hand, it’s worked for me so far and I’ve met some very cool people. Thanks for your comment.

By: Danny Brown

Danny Brown — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 02:49:14 +0000

“Seems we all have very different perspectives of what LinkedIn should be.”
But isn’t that the beauty of socnets, Elaine? We use them in the way that suits us and our needs. Otherwise where’s the benefit?

By: Elaine Fogel

Elaine Fogel — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 00:48:51 +0000

Thanks for posting here, too, Ann Marie. (She made a comment in a LinkedIn group we share.)
I wasn’t devastated , but I wanted to use this real example as a point for discussion. Seems we all have very different perspectives of what LinkedIn should be.

By: Ann Marie van den Hurk, APR

Ann Marie van den Hurk, APR — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 00:18:12 +0000

I’ve never had an invitation declined yet. Have to say I’m very selective as to who I contact. I wouldn’t take it personally though being declined. Being a public relations professional, I’ve developed some thickish skin so it doesn’t bother me a lot.
Rejection never feels good, but if you never ask then you never get a yes from someone.

By: Ann Marie van den Hurk, APR

Ann Marie van den Hurk, APR — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 00:18:03 +0000

By: Elaine Fogel

Elaine Fogel — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 22:38:55 +0000

David, I know. Mike Templeton said the same thing. She was very polite, and I appreciated that. I don’t fault her – don’t get me wrong. I used this example to discuss the purpose of LinkedIn as a social media marketing tool. I must admit though, I really didn’t expect to see this much caution from colleagues. Lesson learned.

By: David Reich

David Reich — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 21:18:02 +0000

Yes Elaine, the rejection would seem to fly in the face of the purpose of LinkedIn But at least that person took the time to explain why she wasn’t accepting your invitation. That’s more than you can expect from lots of people.

By: Elaine Fogel

Elaine Fogel — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 20:17:53 +0000

CK, I’m not dejected.:-) My post is tongue-in-cheek, but I thought it was worthy of a discussion. And I’m also glad I know you, too! Maybe, one day we’ll actually get to meet in person.
Jonathan, although I now “get” the referral system, I also don’t understand how anyone can make a referral to a friend of a friend if s/he has never had any first-hand experience with the individual. I thought the point was to “introduce” people to each other.
Just today, a colleague forwarded an e-mail from her out-of-town friend who asked if she knew anyone at two local organizations. She wants to call an “inside” contact to ask questions because she applied for jobs there.
My colleague didn’t know anyone, but thought I would. I sent her the name of MY colleague who works at one of the organizations and said she could contact her. All I asked was for a head’s up so I could send an e-mail to my colleague in advance indicating that I do not know the job applicant personally, but if she is amenable to speaking with her, it’s her decision. That’s it. Haven’t most of us done this at some point in our lives, whether it’s related to a job, getting the name of a good doctor, or other supplier? We ask our friends and colleagues. And how many times do we know ALL the people involved? We’re basically doing a favor for our own friend or colleague.
Lewis, if you pay a subscription fee, then you can connect directly to others through the “in” network. Pay more, you get more monthly contacts. It makes sense that LinkedIn would want to market revenue-generating subscriptions, right?
So, now my friends, here’s the big question. How do YOU recommend using LinkedIn as a social media marketing tool?????

By: Lewis Green

Lewis Green — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 18:27:48 +0000

Mea Culpa. Although a member of LinkedIn for more than 5 years, I had it wrong. For the first time, I just read the About Us page (shame on me). These sentences stand out:
“Your network consists of your connections, your connections’ connections, and the people they know, linking you to a vast number of qualified professionals and experts. Through your network you can:…”
All this time I thought LinkedIn was a social networking site. If I read the above and what preceeds and follows those sentences, I realize it isn’t networking at all in the stricted definition, where one of the goals is to connect with others, whether or not you have someone who can introduce you. Instead, it is about connecting with our current network and growing that network through introductions, not by introducing ourselves within the LinkedIn arena.
Thanks to your post Elaine, I learned something new because I had made an incorrect assumption to begin with.