Someone actually rejected my LinkedIn invitation recently. She didn’t just delete it or ignore it; she actually sent me a message saying why she is rejecting me! Now, I have social media rejection syndrome!
Yes, this really did happen to me. Check out this rejection reply…
Hi, Elaine,
Thanks for your comments.
I only make connections with people I’ve met personally or have worked with, but perhaps our paths will cross in person one day.
Doesn’t this go against the entire purpose of ONLINE social networking? I figure if someone just wants to connect with friends and colleagues, there’s always Facebook. But, LinkedIn?
I have made hundreds of good connections on LI – people whom I’ve never actually met but have lots in common. But, maybe I’m doing something wrong. I often invite people in my groups to connect. It’s a great way to reach out to the people with whom I’ve participated in discussions.
But, look at the message I just saw on my LinkedIn invitation page:
Please note: This message is a notice that you are nearing the threshold of “I don’t know” responses you can receive before you will be required to enter an email address when sending invitations. Please remember to only invite people you know.
Yikes. I checked my LI archives and this is the first time there’s a “Don’t Know” for any invitation I’ve sent. Is this a real threat? If we are limited to the people we already know, doesn’t that defeat the purpose somewhat?
What do you think? Am I out to lunch? Isn’t social media rejection kind of rude? Should I get therapy for social media rejection syndrome?
Tags: Facebook, LinkedIn, Networking, Social Media, social media rejection
I can do you one better. Someone I had met several times and who is in the same charity womens group as I sent me a response to my LI invitation with “How do I know you?” I replied and still, no acceptance several days later. I’ll join you in therapy Elaine!
Social networking is just like any other networking – you need to get to know the person. You can’t just send invites and expect everyone to say “Yes.”
Yes, it can (and does) work that way on Twitter and (to a degree) Facebook – but they’re more casual sites.
LinkedIn is a professional site. People want to know who they’re dealing with – it could have an impact on their professional reputation down the line.
I can completely understand why people only want to connect with those they’ve interacted with. I pretty much connect along the same lines, and then ask existing contacts if they could introduce me to someone in their connection list, if I feel there’s a synergy. I’ve found it much more effective than just reaching out to someone I’ve never met, spoke with or connected with.
Elaine,
You’ve made it to the big time: the infamous LinkedIn threat. Been there! And, no, it does not make any sense.
As one who leads networking workshops, the idea that one only networks with those they know is ludicrous. The idea behind marketing is to build relations–make old ones stronger and new ones strong. Suggesting that we invite only those we know defeats the purpose of networking.
BTW You and I apparently invited the same woman, as I, too, received the same message. Weird!
Don’t feel rejected Elaine.
There are a lot of quirky people on LinkedIn. I think a lot of them know that should be on there for professional reasons, but they aren’t really comfortable with the concept of social media. Like the people who connect with you, but won’t share their connections. What’s up with that? It’s like they’re afraid you’re going to hit up everyone on their list for a job.
Maybe there are people who do abuse their LinkedIn connections, but I haven’t experienced that personally. Meanwhile, I’d just write off the rejection and move on.
Nadine
NOTE: In my second graph, second line, the word should be networking (not marketing).
To Danny’s point, I, too, ask for introductions and those like Danny who are conservative in their networking efforts have every right to decline an invitation. That doesn’t mean others don’t have a right to invite him to connect.
Elaine,
I have to agree with Danny on this one. And, I admit I have clicked the LinkedIn “I don’t know this person” more than a handful of times. I have also sent notes to people like the one you have received…but, I suggest that if they *really* want to get to know me they chat with me on Twitter, Facebook or any other social network first (Most don’t — telling, isn’t it?).
My first issue is this: If I don’t know you, how can I refer you? I would hate to be asked for a recommendation or referral for someone I don’t know…then I have to admit that I am networked with someone I don’t actually know. Embarrassing!
My second issue is networkers who are number collectors. Remember, by networking via LinkedIn we are giving people potential access to our network that might include long-standing relationships. I don’t want to damage those by letting someone in who doesn’t understand proper social media/networking protocol.
Also, I have opened up my LinkedIn a bit since joining MarketingProfs and I regret it. I am getting the most obnoxious requests. People asking for recommendations who I have NEVER talked to or met! Can you imagine the gall?! And yet, I will be the “bad guy” for not being social. Honestly, I think people are starting to get out of control on social networks…and they seem to have forgotten their manners at home.
Needless to say, I am back to only LinkingIn with people I know.
Beth Harte
Community Manager, MarketingProfs
@bethharte
I’m with Beth and Danny on this one. I’m more than willing to connect with people via LinkedIn that I’ve never met in person, but ONLY if they have connected with me several times before hand (via Twitter, commenting on my blog, etc.)
I get too many requests from people saying, “Hey, I read and like your blog, let’s connect.” But I have never heard of the person before – they’ve never sent me a message on Twitter, commented on a post, sent me an e-mail, etc.
I want to make sure that people I’m connected to on LinkedIn are actually professional acquaintances that I would feel comfortable connecting to others in my network or possibly even recommending. I think it can really dilute the strength of one’s network when you go around “people collecting” as Beth said.
I tend to treat each social network a bit differently, depending on my comfort level and how I use the network.
MySpace – I connect with bands, record labels, independent artists and other music/entertainment personalities here. Not much control (but I also don’t use it often)
Facebook – I have to have personally met you at some point in my life, or know you well enough online to be comfortable sharing part of my life with you
Twitter – I follow real people with real profiles and not entirely obnoxious tweets (ex: I’ll unfollow you if you tweet about getting more followers in a heartbeat).
LinkedIn – I connect with people I know personally (when it makes sense) and professionally, or people who, above and beyond my Facebook requirement, I’m happy to share my professional network with (on top of being comfortable enough with them to share a bit about my life).
To me, it comes down to comfort level. I put my real personality out there for people to see, and I owe it to myself to connect with people in a way that makes me comfortable.
Great article. Elaine, it may seem rude but LinkedIn wasn’t originally intended to work like Twitter, whrere you could just add folks that you dont know. I tend not to add folks I dont know unless I’ve conversed with them first. I guess I get skeptical about what folk’s intentions are. There are folks who just add people so they can solicit business, spam you, etc.
Great article. Elaine, it may seem rude but LinkedIn wasn’t originally intended to work like Twitter, whrere you could just add folks that you dont know. I tend not to add folks I dont know unless I’ve conversed with them first. I guess I get skeptical about what folk’s intentions are. There are folks who just add people so they can solicit business, spam you, etc.
Elaine, I’m with Beth, Danny, Amy and Katie on this one. I usually don’t go so far as to mark a LinkedIn invitation with the “I Don’t Know” button, simply because I’ve heard about the IDKs having a detrimental impact if anyone gets too many of them – and I don’t want to negatively impact anyone. I usually just archive them (which saves me having to see the “new” message flag when I log in to LinkedIn, and which gives me heartburn).
I think we are all entitled to connect the way we feel comfortable. As far as Twitter goes, I follow a lot more people than I actually know IRL, because something about their tweets has intrigued me at some point (but I also occasionally do some weeding in that flower patch). And I don’t follow everyone who follows me; neither do I mind if someone I’m following doesn’t follow me back. It’s their – and my – prerogative. Facebook: well, you really have to be my “friend” or at least somewhat friendly for me to connect there.
But when it comes to LinkedIn – a site where I often receive referral requests, I am very careful about whom I connect with. My reputation is only as good as my network, and if I can’t vouch for someone, I don’t connect with them.
I agree with Danny Brown completely.
Based on the type of information that is available on LinkedIn, I can see why people are selective about which requests they accept.
I think of LinkedIn as my professional network; the place where I can go and get concrete data on a person’s work history, contact info, recommendations, etc. The power of LinkedIn is in that relevant network that you build, not in how many “friends” you can collect.
Everyone has their own idea of how these networks should work and how they themselves use them, but I don’t think this person is in the wrong at all.
At least you got a response back stating why she wouldn’t connect.
Wow, what a mix of responses! Thank you all for your comments. I see both sides now (shades of Joni Mitchell). I suppose my take on LinkedIn social networking is different than many have expressed here.
Just to set the record straight, I don’t use LinkedIn to “collect” contacts. I was never into the numbers. I do belong to many groups that relate to my professional interests – marketing and nonprofits. If I have a conversation with people, or make a comment in a group discussion, I often check out some of the other participants. If someone’s work experience and background are similar or compelling, I have asked to link. That way, I can see their updates and keep on top of what’s happening in my field in different parts of the continent.
It also allows me to share content with these colleagues in group discussion forums – things that I believe may be of value. I assume that people I invite will check out my profile to see who I am before accepting or not. Now, really, how bad can I be?
I have to agree with Beth: LinkedIn is predicated on a referral strategy — how can anyone authentically offer referrals of people they don’t really know? And how much value is there when someone who doesn’t know me “refers” me to someone she doesn’t know? How is that social?
I actually think it is a great limit that LinkedIn has put into place and I reject invitations many times from different people. The point of any network, online or off, is that you choose what you want to get out of it in the end. Some people may accept any invitation because they figure “the more the merrier”, but others want to have a more limited scope. Also this changes across networks. On Twitter I follow a larger percentage of people, whereas on Facebook I limit the folks I grant access.
Ultimately I don’t see this as rejection, I see it as personal preference on how an individual uses a network.
Thanks for a great piece, Elaine. What I find most interesting is that you have 500+ connections on LinkedIn (wowsa!) and yet the 1 person who “rejected” you–and not at all for personal reasons; it’s just her preference to connect with familiar contacts–got you down. I didn’t find her response at all rude… and she even took time to explain why she limits her network and says your paths may cross one day.
I find this all the time when people write a blog post and 20 people have great feedback and 1 person doesn’t, that they focus on that 1 negative (because it’s human nature, we all do it!).
Just focus on the wonderful connections you’ve already made and those you’ll continue making. Because you have an EXTRAORDINARY batting average of 500 to 1. In marketing, those numbers are off the charts. Truly.
And her actions don’t at all go against social networking because these tools give each and every one of us choice in (1) which tools we use and (2) how we use them. Maybe she keeps her network to those she knows, but social networking allows her to keep up with them every week, no matter where they’re located.
I also appreciate Beth’s and Danny’s points. And personally speaking, I’m darn glad to know you and would never reject you
I’m a LinkedIn rejector, too. If I don’t know you well enough to help you get a job (or ask you to help me), then I don’t know you well enough for LinkedIn. I use LinkedIn as a dynamic way to keep up my connections after I’ve moved on from a job or contract.
Mea Culpa. Although a member of LinkedIn for more than 5 years, I had it wrong. For the first time, I just read the About Us page (shame on me). These sentences stand out:
“Your network consists of your connections, your connections’ connections, and the people they know, linking you to a vast number of qualified professionals and experts. Through your network you can:…”
All this time I thought LinkedIn was a social networking site. If I read the above and what preceeds and follows those sentences, I realize it isn’t networking at all in the stricted definition, where one of the goals is to connect with others, whether or not you have someone who can introduce you. Instead, it is about connecting with our current network and growing that network through introductions, not by introducing ourselves within the LinkedIn arena.
Thanks to your post Elaine, I learned something new because I had made an incorrect assumption to begin with.
CK, I’m not dejected.:-) My post is tongue-in-cheek, but I thought it was worthy of a discussion. And I’m also glad I know you, too! Maybe, one day we’ll actually get to meet in person.
Jonathan, although I now “get” the referral system, I also don’t understand how anyone can make a referral to a friend of a friend if s/he has never had any first-hand experience with the individual. I thought the point was to “introduce” people to each other.
Just today, a colleague forwarded an e-mail from her out-of-town friend who asked if she knew anyone at two local organizations. She wants to call an “inside” contact to ask questions because she applied for jobs there.
My colleague didn’t know anyone, but thought I would. I sent her the name of MY colleague who works at one of the organizations and said she could contact her. All I asked was for a head’s up so I could send an e-mail to my colleague in advance indicating that I do not know the job applicant personally, but if she is amenable to speaking with her, it’s her decision. That’s it. Haven’t most of us done this at some point in our lives, whether it’s related to a job, getting the name of a good doctor, or other supplier? We ask our friends and colleagues. And how many times do we know ALL the people involved? We’re basically doing a favor for our own friend or colleague.
Lewis, if you pay a subscription fee, then you can connect directly to others through the “in” network. Pay more, you get more monthly contacts. It makes sense that LinkedIn would want to market revenue-generating subscriptions, right?
So, now my friends, here’s the big question. How do YOU recommend using LinkedIn as a social media marketing tool?????
Yes Elaine, the rejection would seem to fly in the face of the purpose of LinkedIn But at least that person took the time to explain why she wasn’t accepting your invitation. That’s more than you can expect from lots of people.
David, I know. Mike Templeton said the same thing. She was very polite, and I appreciated that. I don’t fault her – don’t get me wrong. I used this example to discuss the purpose of LinkedIn as a social media marketing tool. I must admit though, I really didn’t expect to see this much caution from colleagues. Lesson learned.
I’ve never had an invitation declined yet. Have to say I’m very selective as to who I contact. I wouldn’t take it personally though being declined. Being a public relations professional, I’ve developed some thickish skin so it doesn’t bother me a lot.
Rejection never feels good, but if you never ask then you never get a yes from someone.
I’ve never had an invitation declined yet. Have to say I’m very selective as to who I contact. I wouldn’t take it personally though being declined. Being a public relations professional, I’ve developed some thickish skin so it doesn’t bother me a lot.
Rejection never feels good, but if you never ask then you never get a yes from someone.
Thanks for posting here, too, Ann Marie. (She made a comment in a LinkedIn group we share.)
, but I wanted to use this real example as a point for discussion. Seems we all have very different perspectives of what LinkedIn should be.
I wasn’t devastated
“Seems we all have very different perspectives of what LinkedIn should be.”
But isn’t that the beauty of socnets, Elaine? We use them in the way that suits us and our needs. Otherwise where’s the benefit?
I guess you’re right, Danny. I never realized how differently people use LI until today. In some ways, I feel that I should temper my usage, but on the other hand, it’s worked for me so far and I’ve met some very cool people. Thanks for your comment.
Elaine, in my own perspective, I think there are just people who have a different idea of what social media is.
Maybe the person you gave an invitation to had a “different” brand of social media.
Or perhaps I am missing out on things: is there a new trend out there called “anti-social media?”
Elaine, I think there are people who have different perspective regarding “What social networking is”? So don’t feel rejected
I don’t usually like to leave “me, too” comments, but well … @KatieMorse: what she said! That’s exactly how I use those channels, too — each has an audience and a use. And I’ll confess I even go one further in Twitter and have separate accounts for professional and private use. (Pro: @heidimoon).
There is inevitably some blurring of the lines, however. I’ve occasionally received LinkedIn requests from people I don’t know, but either recognize from Twitter (or, for a while, Plurk) or a LinkedIn group I belong to. And I have a small number of connections on Facebook that are strictly professional which I manage via the groups and privacy settings.
Once you’ve decided how you want to use these channels, I actually think it’s a good idea to let other users know why and how you connect on them, rather than leave them wondering why their invitation wasn’t accepted.
It all comes down to individual comfort level.
I’m with your dissenters, Elaine. As a marketing professional, you should know that trying to add someone to your list of connections without at least introducing yourself first is a no-no. Most social network users are way too aware of spammers, scammers, and climbers to accept every request that comes their way. Your rejector had the courtesy to explain her reasons; I probably would not have bothered. But now that I know who you are, feel free to look me up on Linked In.
@Strategic Growth Advisors: I like that: “anti-social media!” A whole new trend!
@Alisa: Thanks for your empathy. I agree with you.
@Heidi: When you agree to link to someone in one of your LI groups, at least you know that you have similar professional interests. That’s what I have done – invited people in my professional areas, who happen to be members of the same groups, to link up. Based on what I have heard here, however, most do not practice this approach.
This is a very interesting thread.
I’m with you Elaine in believing that a networking site should enable you to network. Not only do I think LinkedIn should NOT be punishing us for reaching out beyond the circle of contacts we know, it should be actively providing tools to help broker those valuable new relationships.
Think about it: LinkedIn has 45 million members and many of those are buying things every week. Just as many are selling things. It amuses me greatly that LinkedIn calls itself a business networking site and yet does NOTHING to help engage those buyers and sellers with each other. It’s not helping business get done, nor networking!
LinkedIn REALLY needs to start looking to make tools available to enable its members to get more value. Few know that Google currently holds a Google Profile on everyone who’s ever registered on Google (as an exmaple, here’s mine: http://www.google.com/profiles/wecando.biz) and within it is a capability to state who you work for and provide contact details. All it needs is Google to beef these up before pushing them hard and LinkedIn loses most of its traffic overnight.
Ian Hendry
CEO, WeCanDo.BIZ
http://www.wecando.biz
Thanks for starting this dialog. I actually got that “you’ve invited too many people you don’t know” slap a few weeks back. I was pretty amazed as I do invite a few people I don’t know, but I always explain my connection (I say you on so & sos contact list). I then explain why I would be interested in connecting, i.e. how I think we could benefit. I’ve never received a “don’t know you” response, just no response but for 500 invites, I have less than 10 of these – lots of people I do know, never respond.
Hi Elaine. I have been rejected as well by people that I have met a few times. I just forget about it and move on. On the other side, I have tried cutting back on my acceptance of invites that are the standard invite from total strangers. If a person doesn’t even add a personal note on the invite, I wonder why we should connect. I never click “I don’t know”. I just archive it. If you have met the person a few times, maybe that is a hint that they don’t want to continue the relationship? There have been other times where I won’t get an acceptance for months. Some people just aren’t on LI as much as others…
I hope this added value to the conversation.
Thanks, Tina. I’m not sure that LI users understand that the “I don’t know” response creates a black mark against the invitation requester. You’re lucky that people just ignore your request. That seems a more polite approach.
Hi, Richard. That has happened to me, too – waiting a long time for people to respond. In those cases, their infrequent use can’t bring any value to the conversation anyway.
I agree with Danny and Beth. I think each person needs to set their own following policies based on their comfort level and goals. That said, one can miss out on opportunities by being too restrictive.
I’ve become more selective on all networks, but LinkedIn is where I’m most restrictive. I will accept requests from people I’ve never met, but only after we’ve made some sort of connection, like sharing info in the Q&A’s via blogs, etc.
A trend I’m seeing is that I will get a message from someone thanking me for an answer or discussing some conversation we’ve had. They will then ask if I would be willing to connect and give me their e-mail so that I can use it to make the invitation back. I like this because it let’s me understand why they want to make the connection and they leave it in my hands.
On Facebook I connect with people I know in real life, have several common friends with, or have gotten to know pretty well on another network.
On Twitter I don’t have to know them at all. They just need to have a complete profile, participate in conversation, not be trying to build a huge following, and post interesting Tweets.
Overall I think we just each come up with the rules that will suit us best.
Thanks, Heidi. That sounds like a reasonable approach.
I think Danny makes a good point on how we individual tailor Social Media outlets to our needs so I don’t think a therapy should be order
.
I recently went to a luncheon on social media and the speaker compared Linked In to the office, Facebook as the backyard bbq, Twitter as the conversation, and MySpace as the bar. I found this comparison to be fairly accurate to venues we come across in our life.
Derrick, that’s a smart analogy. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Elaine:
I agree with you. The whole purpose of LikedIn goes unserved if we can’t connect with people we haven’t met and probably never will.
I am a bit shy of asking people to connect and am quiet nervous when I hit the “Send” button to invite someone. I am worried about being percieved the wrong way.
Having said that thank you for accepting my invitation!
Like someone mentioned just check off those “rejects” and move on. What else can you do anyway?
Regards,
Archana
Thanks, Archana. What’s the worst that can happen when you hit, “send?” The recipient won’t reply. The worst, of course, is when one says, “I don’t know this person.”
Thanks for sharing your blog post, Kimberly. I believe you are correct.
Apparently, we can purchase a “pass” to connect to anyone on LinkedIn for $10 each. Did anyone know that?
Hi Elaine,
Both my clients and I have had these same experiences with LinkedIn. I had someone reject me in the same way, but with a twist–this person had a different set of specific rules for different social sites. Under her rules, I was OK to connect with on Twitter, but not LinkedIn. You can’t take it personally. But I think this example shows how far social networks in general have to go to THINK THROUGH the social implications of their functions/policies. As others said, isn’t it their business purpose to facilitate connections? Sometimes the “police” work is a little heavy handed. I am a huge fan of LinkedIn, but believe it could be SO MUCH better than it is. My biggest complaint? THERE IS NO SUGGESTION BOX!
Your article very interesting, I have introduced a lot of friends look at this article, the content of the articles there will be a lot of attractive people to appreciate, I have to thank you such an article.
On the linked in invitation window, it does say, only invite people you know. It says:
“Connecting to someone on LinkedIn implies that you know them well:
* They’ll have access to people you know
* Others may ask you about them and vice versa
* You’ll get updates on their activity
LinkedIn lets you invite colleagues, classmates, friends and business partners without entering their email addresses.
However, recipients can indicate that they don’t know you. If they do, you’ll be asked to enter an email address with each future invitation. “
I’m glad they didn’t accept your invite. It’s nothing personal, but you obviously want to spam LI with your “marketing” and that’s not what it’s for. Not every darn site has to be a marketing or advertising avenue – and there are many of us who would leave LI immediately with any sign that it was turning into Twitter, Facebook, etc.
Elaine,
I think this is one of those to each his own kind of things.
I have received LI invites from individuals I do not know, but who may be in a group that I also belong to. Due to that mutual association I accept. On occasion, a sales pitch is quick to follow. This is not harmful to me, but it appears the only reason the person wanted to LI is to sell me something. Is that that really social networking?
Sometimes when I follow someone on Twitter they send a note to also connect on Facebook. I use FB mainly for friends and family and I reply as such. Am I being anti-social? I do not believe so.
It’s a personal choice who you want to connect with, and where you want to do so. Social media is admittedly a more open forum and I am glad for that — I have made connections with wonderful people I would not otherwise even know of — but there are those who abuse the system (the rotten apples) and if a person wants to safeguard against those types, well, to borrow from Bobby Brown, it’s her/his prerogative.
If Linked-In is only for keeping contact with known people, then why do they bother to have discussion forums. Leading a discussion from requires finding / connecting to people with similar interests that you might not know, but have expressed keywords in their profile. Discussion forums are rich from diversity. 5 don’t knows you can recieve in 1 day. This policy puzzles me.
Forum Discussion Leader