Using big words in marketing copy is for the lawyers and academics. But if there’s no legalese, liability or certification to worry about, why not stick with plain old words that most people can understand…?
Because I write for a living, I’m always curious to see how businesses and organizations position themselves. To marketers, focusing on the benefits far outweighs the features of any product or service, yet I must say that I often stumble across copy that doesn’t make sense to me or is just too wordy. Either they’re trying to impress me or they swallowed a dictionary.
Here’s an example:
“We work with companies who want unassailable competitive advantage and reliable growth in profitability.”
Doesn’t this mean that they help companies stand out from their competitors so they can make more money? And what’s with “unassailable?” I’m not a Menses member, but I do have two post-graduate degrees, and frankly, it’s not a term I come across regularly. And to get really anal, “who” refers to people, so using “that” would have been correct.
Here’s another I found on someone’s Web site:
“ABC Software is a custom software development company specializing in the rapid development of highly maintainable and dynamic software to meet custom client software specifications. ABC attains rapid delivery through active management and focused teamwork coupled with the constant improvement of our internal processes and development methodology.”
Yikes!
In the marketing world, content is king. It needs to grab you by the emotional jugular and keep you captivated. Words have power, so keeping it simple and honest works for me.
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How do you keep corporate speak from taking over your writing when saturated with this speak and mindframe each day? How do you keep senior execs from inserting this type of copy?
I agree with you completely, but how do professionals overcome these obstacles?
Lauren … start by having these execs read the excellent book, WHY BUSINESSPEOPLE SPEAK LIKE IDIOTS. The book clearly makes the case for using REAL WORDS with REAL MEANING in business/marketing situations instead of hiding behind vapid and vacuous words.
Here’s a great tool I recommend for execs who require a less-subtle touch. Basically, it helps eliminate bull & jargon in writing.(This, by the way, is by the guys who wrote “Why Business People Speak Like Idiots,” the book John recommends.):
http://www.fightthebull.com/bullfighter.asp
Kudos, Elaine, for a great posting that rings true. I couldn’t agree more. As advertising/marketing genius David Ogilvy once observed: “Our business is infested by idiots who try to impress by using pretentious jargon.” We should all remember that as we go about our business and keep it simple, straightforward and true.
Good post.
It seems as though when people put on their seller shoes (and step out of their consumer shoes) they feel like they need to get up on a soapbox and start impressing. Most of them wouldn’t respond to their own jargon if someone else pitched it to them.
One thing I teach my entrepreneur students is when you’re ’selling’ don’t get out of your consumer shoes…talk like you are sitting at your kitchen table telling your story, not selling it.
Seller shoe talk: e.g. This is the most scientifically advanced product that operates at the cellular level with gyconutrient action.
V. consumer talk:
Before I started taking this stuff, I was so tired I could hardly get out of bed. Now I wake up even before the alarm goes off.
Be the human voice you’d want to hear whenever you talk about your business or product. Tell yours or someone else’s authentic personal story as you would to a friend over coffee, where you are not trying to sell it, just tell it.
My two cents.
It is sad when some executives feel the need to “enhance” marketing copy. In my few years in the industry, I have noticed that these executives insert this copy to hopefully inflate the pitch or to simply impress their boss. It is sad…
I agree with the principle of the post; unfortunately most creative agencies try to push copies in a bad way.
To me direct marketing must be straight to the point. Of course you need some fancy words, however if you start adding some fanciness to the core of the communication you are missing the main objective of most marketing communications.
Great piece. My experience with functional illiterates in marketing backs up your points.
Just one note – no, you are not a “Menses” member – menses is what makes you buy tampons every month. You could look it up, as the man said.
“Mensa” is the organization for people with high IQ’s, as measured by certain tests.
Guess we all need to pay more attention to language, eh?
Oops, Sam. You are totally right. Now you know why I’m not a Mensa member!
At least I was close!
Here’s an idea that may work with executives who think they’re copywriters or want to be impressive. Instead of being negative when they make suggestions – they really dislike that – tell them you’ll test their copy in a pseudo focus group. Then proceed to show the copy to a few insiders whose opinions you value. Ask employees at all levels, so you get a good mix. Executives should respond to “public” opinion, and if a majority prefer the original copy, then you’ve built a case. And if a couple of your executive’s suggestions do make it into the final product, then it becomes a team effort and you’ve made him/her feel part of the process. As pure as we marketers like to try to keep things in our craft, we must remember that someone else writes the performance review!
I used to do that when I worked on the inside, especially when it came to creative. Somehow, when it comes to finances, HR or IT, not everyone feels they have enough expertise to offer an opinion. But just put some creative or copy in front of them, and most people will offer suggestions.
The most important thing, I believe, is to put yourself in the shoes of your audience, as Kim recommends. Why do you think most newspapers are written at a grade eight level? It’s so the masses can read and understand the content. Even PhD’s, when out of their realm of expertise, could appreciate a simple explanation. At least I hope so.
And one more thing… isn’t it ironic how most of our western world has dummied down in terms of what’s popular and what sells? Yet, the paradox is that execs still think big words impress. I remember Jay Leno (or maybe it was David Letterman) a while ago, interviewing average people on the street in the U.S. and so many couldn’t even answer basic common knowledge questions. So, who are we trying to impress?
Thanks for all your comments.
Thank you for the feedback!
Great Post and excellent timing too. I work in a role where I am finding myself taking 2 hours simply to de-code the jargons and terminology. It dents my confidence especially since English is not my first language.
The messages sent by the creative agencies especially are so cryptic, that it leaves you wondering if you even understood the message.
I agree with johnmoore in the idea that business men and women don’t need to use all these big words. I feel like they completely take away all the meaning with the jargon that gets thrown in. Do the writers really feel like they’re making the piece sound amazing by adding all that? I’m a simple structure kind of girl, and when the English language is butchered, to say, then I get bent out of shape. There’s no need to make yourself sound smarter by speaking or writing like that. Would you speak like that out of the office?
The use of “who” is correct since corporations are legal persons.
Ms. Fogel should not criticize people who “swallow” a dictionary until she herself consults one. I believe when she refers to not being a member of “Menses,” she means Mensa – the club for really smart people – and not “menses,” which is the monthly female menstrual cycle.
A little off subject, but just to get the mind going. I find when I watch Britsh movies or Austrailian movies,or ones with British or Austrailian actors, I tend to pick up the accent for fun. Usually it’s just for an hour or two after the movie, but I find it’s fun to talk like that because it’s my words, but in a different way. I find that when I watch a Sean Connery movie, I want to talk like that because he always gets away with everything. It always gets laugh with my wife or my friends, but I always wonder why it is I’ve already been drawn to an accent that if I used everyday, would be considered extremely silly, or would even get be called stupid. (I live in South Louisiana by the way, not many British here)
I personally think that is the draw the business jargon. I think we like the way it sounds to a point to where we imitate it and get lost in it. But for some reason it just never quite sounds right although the ability to do it is seen as impressive to some. It’s almost like we are playing a character in a movie and is long as we stay in character, everything will go well for us and that keeps us safe. I think that we speak business to business people because we feel if we don’t, they can’t understand us. We want to use the fantastic vocabulary that we’ve learned in all our years of school, only to lose ground in communication.
I think our abilities as business people are restricted by the forms of communication we use. I feel so many of us limit our language to the kind we use in our E-mail, newsletters, and webpages and can’t really express what we truely mean because we are so caught up in the lauguage of our jobs. I’m I the only one that has read a really fancy worded business book or wrote a really fancy business letter and gotten stuck in the jargon for an hour or so?
It’s not just business language though, it’s romance novelist, computer specialist, theater actors, and music majors. It all has it’s jargon and it will be daily overused and abused.
I think as long as their are people to impress, we’ll always use fancy words just like a boy on a date wants to use poetry to impress the girl. It’s the same concept as so many people finding things wrong with people to point out rather than searching for a reason to say thank you. Fancy jargon is used to make us look better, and as long as their is a need for someone to be better than the person next to them. It will always be around. Business Jargon is about trying to meet on the level of ther person you are speaking to because you think they could be better than you or more educated and you want to meet at par with them. Or you use to belittle the interns or impress your office staff. Then I think there are people out there who learn new words and just want to share them to everyone to the point of over-usage. Than lastly I think there are those people who mimic big business jargon because it makes them feel big business, and to them, that’s all that matters. For whatever reason, it will always be around. And for whatever reason, I will always try to do my best 007 voice the next time a see a good James bond.
Bravo, Elaine! I used to work in government, which was crawling with big, unneccesarry words in all of the internal and external communications. And they all wondered why staff never remembered anything in the memos!
Menses or Mensa, who or that…who cares! Check out the point being made here. Elaine is absolutely correct.
Who cares? Her credibility cares.
May I point out that a lot of the ‘basic’ masses buy the big-word explanations. Even if they don’t know what to make of them. Simply because they are ’simple’ and assume that big words mean big solutions. Not that I’m into big words anyway
p.s. spot-on article though
elaine, i agree with you ! words are power. am starting to discover this and now write articles for my website. i often read and re-read what i write and try to take a reader approach.
Elaine,
Great post. E.B. White and William Strunk would be very proud!