In the world of Web 2.0, some PR agencies have tried to address this issue with newfangled formats. But ultimately it’s not about the format, it’s about the content. And I can tell you from experience as both a reporter and a public relations consultant, there are eight ways I can usually tell that a press release is bullshit.
1. Vague claims. Are you a “leading” provider of this, that or the other? So’s everybody else. Is your product the “first ever” of its kind? That’s strange — so’s Larry’s product, Moe’s product and Curly’s product.
Be specific. Provide details. Quantify. Source your data. Where appropriate, include a quote from a third party to verify your claims.
I can say I have a Great Dane named Ginger who weighs 130 pounds, as measured by the Corner Pet Clinic. Or, I can say I have a really big dog. Go with the former — or I’ll probably assume your release is bullshit.
2. Industry jargon abuse. Some press releases overuse technical jargon. This communicates that what you’re announcing is so inside-baseball that only about three reporters on the entire planet could possibly care about it. So why did you send it to 2,000?
Other press releases misuse jargon. This generally means that the junior PR person who wrote the release doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about, and the company didn’t bother to run it by the technical people who do.
Can you hear that? It’s the sound of a thousand delete buttons being pressed at once.
3. Business nonsense talk. Paradigm shift. Scalable. Best of breed. End to end. Mission-critical. World-class. Targeted completion date. Long tail. Crowdsourcing. Any of the words in this company description.
OK, pick two — because if you use any more than two of these cliches and buzzwords in a release, I’ll probably call bullshit.
4. Silly superlatives. If what you were announcing were really “revolutionary,” you wouldn’t need to put out a press release, Holmes. Tone it down.
5. Bait and switch. When the release promises something in the lead that is inconsistent with the rest of the release, it’s DOA. In fact, it just might backfire by raising a reporter’s investigative hackles.
For example, if you send me a release hailing your company’s “strategic restructuring” (see No. 3 above) in the first paragraph, then bury the layoff of 1,000 people in the sixth paragraph, I probably won’t care to hear anything you have to tell me. But I just might decide to contact some employees to get the real story on the layoff.
6. Tortured topicality. If your company is so bereft of actual news that you have to hang your press releases on obscure ties to holidays and current events, I probably won’t get past the headline. Don’t bother.
7. Off-brand wire distribution. PR Newswire and Business Wire are the gold standard when it comes to news release distribution (with PRWeb coming on strong as a Web visibility tool). If I see one of their names at the top of the release, I know you’ve spent a few bucks to get out your news. That means you’re probably a real company and just might have real news.
If, on the other hand, I come across your release via a free service — where any schmoe can put out a release — I’ll probably assume it’s bullshit. You get what you pay for.
8. Clumsy e-mail distribution. If I receive your release in my inbox twice — or, say, 11 times — I question how carefully I’ve been targeted as a recipient. If you don’t even bother to put my name on the correspondence, I know I haven’t been targeted at all. Delete, delete.
So do yourself a favor and keep your press releases straightforward in structure, clear in language, and supported by facts. Practice this consistently, and reporters will be less likely to give your announcements a one-way ticket to the recycle bin.

I don’t cut hair for a living, but I have been getting my locks sheared monthly for the past 40 years. And I’ve known enough hairdressers in my day to have ascertained their Seven Secrets to Career Contentment.
I’m sure they won’t mind if I share them.
1. Be yourself. Hairdressers are individuals; they are not only allowed, but encouraged, to show off their individuality in the workplace. From blue hair to dreadlocks, bare midriffs to button-downs, you can find it all at most salons. And hairdressers can be themselves in their conversations with clients, too.
In your own work, it doesn’t need to be blue hair. But you do need to be able to share your personality, thoughts and feelings openly with those around you. If you sacrifice this because you’re in a corporate environment where you think it would be frowned upon, you may succeed in climbing that company’s ladder — but probably at the expense of your happiness.
2. Be creative. Hairdressing is a creative job. New styles are emerging all the time, and hairdressers have the opportunity to learn them and create their own variations for clients. They also get clients who plop down in the styling chair and announce: “I’m bored — I want to try something completely different!”
Wouldn’t it be great if you could plop down in your chair at your next staff meeting and say the same thing? All of us need some outlet for creativity in our work — and companies that encourage and reward this creativity, rather than insisting on hierarchy and conformity, tend to have the happiest employees. Ultimately, however, your happiness is in your hands, not your employer’s. You can almost always find ways to contribute new ideas if you try hard enough.
3. Set short-term goals. Hairdressers coiffure several clients a day; usually, the client departs with a smile and a thank you. Mission accomplished.
In a corporate setting, it’s not that easy. We often work on long-term projects where we might not get the satisfaction of completion for weeks or months. But if you make a point to set daily or short-term goals for yourself and accomplish them along the way, you’ll feel better about your work. If you’re in an office environment where such incremental achievements are acknowledged by bosses and co-workers, that’s even better.
4. Be social. Hairdressing is a social profession. Stylists spend all day chatting with their co-workers and clients. Studies show the opportunity to talk and listen to others reduces work stress, in addition to building a sense of belonging.
The lesson here: Don’t spend all day in front of your PC with your office door shut. Don’t be lazy and communicate with colleagues exclusively by e-mail, either; it may seem faster and less of a hassle, but ultimately you may begin to feel isolated. Get up and talk to people — and listen to them, too.
5. Form relationships. A hairdresser’s clients can be very loyal, trusting their hairstyle to one person for years. Stylists pride themselves on their ability to retain their clients — even as they move from salon to salon over the course of their careers. These bonds can become highly personal and meaningful, as stylists and clients share the intimate details of their lives over time.
In the business world, too many people are afraid to form real, honest friendships — either with their colleagues or their clients. “What if I have to fire him someday?” an exec might argue. “What if I tell her something that she uses against me when we are vying for the same promotion?” a young worker might say. “What if I want to seem tough and no-nonsense at work, because I think that will get me ahead?” an aspiring muckety-muck might explain.
Here’s my answer: If you are a different person in your work relationships than you are in your non-work relationships, you can never be truly happy at work. It’s your choice.
6. Take ownership. Even though they generally work for someone else, most hairdressers have a strong sense of ownership in their work. Their success or failure depends directly on how well they serve their clients.
In the corporate world, it can be hard to have that sense of ownership. The larger the organization, the more removed employees often feel from their company’s accomplishments. The way smart companies combat this is to provide individuals or small departments with specific long-term goals, and to allow them significant leeway in determining how they achieve these goals. And if that isn’t enough ownership for you, you can always start your own business.
7. Don’t make it about money. If you’re a hairdresser not named Jose Eber, you’re probably not rich. In fact, you’re probably not even close. But you’re happy.
So, as a professional marketer or businessperson, what should we learn here from the hairdresser’s example? That’s it’s time to give up our day jobs and go trekking in the Himalayas, 401(k)s be damned?
No. It’s still better to have money than not. The lesson is that you should do as well as you can financially — but only by doing something you enjoy. Once you start making career decisions based on where the dollars are, rather than where your heart is, you’ve pretty much guaranteed yourself a life of unhappiness at work.

Usually it’s just a few minutes here and there, between projects or during a fit of writer’s block. Nevertheless, this time is invaluable to me.
When I goof off, it’s often by browsing the Web. I’m usually scouting out stories about media, marketing, advertising, journalism and PR — my natural interests. But I’m not looking for the earnest, serious stuff. After all, the whole point is to escape from serious for a moment.
No, I’m looking for the silly, fun stuff — stories that are good for a laugh, but that also serve to put our lives and careers in perspective for a moment. Stories about PR blunders, celebrity scandals, political gaffes, annoying commercials and the like. Bits of Web flotsam to remind us that the big project we’re working on is (shhh, don’t tell anyone) not actually brain surgery.
This kind of goofing off is good for your mental health — and, I would argue, your career as well.
In the image-making professions, reading is leading. The more seemingly useless junk you know, the greater library of cultural references you can draw from in advising your clients — and the more your clents respect and appreciate you for it. Personally, I’ve found that the silliest stories I tell are often my most useful tools in educating clients. Why? Because those are invariably the ones they remember.
When I do a media training session, for example, I could give the client a long list of dos and don’ts. I could tell them how this CEO or that CEO handled a similar interview scenario. But when I am able to teach the client through engaging analogies — how the latest political gaffe or celebrity scandal might have been avoided, for example — that’s when the lesson really sticks.
So, where should you spend you goofing-off time on the Web? I recommend the following sites:
* Adrants, Beyond Madison Avenue, and AdJab, for keeping up with the advertising biz
* Gawker, Romenesko, Eat the Press, and Regret the Error, for the media biz
* Copyblogger and Bad Language, for copywriters
* Make the Logo Bigger, for art-director types
* The Flack and The Bad Pitch Blog, among many others, for PR types
* Fark and Boing Boing, for general weirdness
Actually, these sites are just the tip of blogberg. If you’d like an broader overview of marketing goofiness on the Web, those of us at Media Orchard have launched a new destination called Spin Thicket. It’s a Fark-style repository for all things wild and wacky in the world of marketing.
So check it out, and feel free to point me to some goofy stuff you love.
Goof-offs of the world… unite!

Back in 1999, when I was VP of corporate communications for a company called PageNet, I was sent a coffee mug by Maddock Douglas, a Chicago ad and design firm that wanted to do business with us.
We never did do business with Maddock Douglas, but I still remember the firm’s name and have retained a positive impression of them. Why? Because I liked the darned mug so much.
Mike Maddock has given me permission to post the copy from the mug, which provides “101 Ways to Brew Up a Great Idea.” Hope you find it as inspiring as I have — again and again — on sleepy-eyed mornings.
1. Take a warm bath.
2. Go for a drive with the windows open.
3. Order Chinese food and eat it with chopsticks.
4. Call a random phone number – ask a stranger.
5. Ask a child.
6. Create an idea that would get you fired.
7. Paint your bedroom.
8. Consult tarot cards.
9. Gargle.
10. Play football.
11. Sing a show tune on a crowded elevator.
12. How would your favorite uncle solve the problem?
13. Doodle.
14. Do a crossword puzzle.
15. Pray for a little help.
16. Ask the most creative person you know.
17. Ask the least creative person you know.
18. Run.
19. Ask your local postal worker.
20. Ice skate.
21. Take a shower with your clothes on.
22. Ask yourself, “What rhymes with orange?”
23. Talk to your favorite cheerleader about the idea.
24. Breathe slowly.
25. Flip a coin.
26. Mow the lawn.
27. What is the simplest solution?
28. Do 20 quick push-ups.
29. Go shopping!
30. Write the alphabet backwards.
31. Build a fort in your office.
32. How would an ant solve the problem?
33. Create a silly solution that rhymes.
34. Make paper airplanes.
35. Use three wishes to solve your challenge.
36. Browse through a bookstore.
37. Take a survey.
38. Make a sculpture with mashed potatoes.
39. Fish.
40. Go to Vegas, play a lot of craps.
41. Daydream.
42. How would you solve it with an infinite budget?
43. Write out the problem with your opposite hand.
44. Sing the National Anthem with a cockney accent.
45. Eat dinner.
46. Change your brand of coffee.
47. Wash dishes.
48. Find the solution in the clouds.
49. Swing.
50. Take a nap at your desk.
51. Go bowling.
52. Spin in your chair shouting: “WHOOPEE!”
53. Eat a snow cone.
54. Contort your face in a strange and unusual ways.
55. High-five yourself.
56. Go camping.
57. Take Spot for a walk.
58. Massage your scalp for 10 minutes.
59. Play musical chairs.
60. Go for a walk in the rain.
61. Pick up something with your toes.
62. Communicate.
63. Stand on your head.
64. Stand on someone else’s head.
65. Go for a drive.
66. Call a psychic hotline, laugh at their predictions.
67. Caffeine.
68. More caffeine.
69. Imagine explaining the idea at an awards banquet.
70. Make a prank phone call.
71. Think about it before you go to sleep.
72. Call mom, she can fix anything.
73. When in doubt, resort to duct tape.
74. Watch slasher movies to boost your creative confidence.
75. Fly a kite.
76. Shake up a can of pop and open it.
77. Go for a walk.
78. Draw a picture of it.
79. Pretend to snorkel.
80. Think like a child.
81. Walk outside and wave to a stranger.
82. Look at the person’s paper next to you.
83. Climb a tree.
84. Find a new word in the dictionary.
85. Take an ice cream break.
86. Make a daisy chain.
87. Dance a polka.
88. Play in a toy store.
89. Just don’t think about it.
90. Jump on a treadmill.
91. Alphabetize your refrigeratables.
92. Pretend like it doesn’t matter.
93. Paint with your fingers.
94. Clean your toilet.
95. Lose yourself in your favorite music.
96. Watch old black & white reruns.
97. Listen to bees.
98. Walk in a grocery store …. notice clever solutions.
99. Rake the leaves in your yard.
100. Sit outside and count the stars.
101. Still can’t find the answer? Call Maddock Douglas at 630.279.3939.
Mike asked me to mention that Maddock Douglas is “the agency for companies driven by innovation. We invent relevant new products, brand them and use unconventional marketing to help propel them into the world.”
Least I could do.

Take Britney Spears. She’s been lampooned by the tabloids, chased down by the paparazzi, and had fingers wagged at her by every so-called child care expert who could find their way in front of a television camera. To the media, it’s a game — one that earns them subscribers, ratings, and money.
But Spears is a real person. And after she gave an honest, emotional interview stating her case to Matt Lauer, viewers voted 80-20 in her support — and against the media — in an MSNBC poll.
Generating empathy is the reason I recommend face-to-face communication first to my clients. Before conference calls, before e-mail, before press releases, before internal memos, before Skype, before blogging, before VNRs — if face-to-face is possible, it’s nearly always the best option.
Here’s an example from the world of internal communication:
When a company is announcing a layoff and asks me to develop a plan to communicate it, the first question I always ask is, “Will the CEO do it in person?”
If the company is large with multiple locations, I want the CEO to make the announcement at headquarters and the top officials in the field to break the news at those offices simultaneously. I want those officials to stand up and explain the reasons for the layoff, and to answer every last question from the people in the room. I want those officials to show that they care, and I want the people in the audience to see that there is someone at the front of the room willing to stand there and take the heat.
Memos, press releases and e-mails are good for providing supporting information — but used alone, they can’t bridge the gap between a corporation’s execs and its rank-and-file. If a company only communicates through press releases, employees will start to view its executives as the public views celebrities — with distance, detachment and, ultimately, ridicule.
The same is true for your communications with investors, the media and other audiences. So don’t be lazy; manage by talking around.