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Dale Carnegie's timeless classic "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is a book about building winning relationships, both business and personal. As an example, his advice about how to make people like you states...
- Become genuinely interested in other people.
- Smile. (i.e. Have a sense of humor)
- Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
- Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
The Golden Rule puts it even more concisely: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
It is this attitude of beneficence that truly puts the "social" in social media and should be an ethical standard to which we all adhere. The trouble is many of us (me included) tend to focus largely on ourselves and our own interests rather than others. That is a strategy for social media failure if ever there was one.
Following are success stories from three people who have come to exemplify this attitude in their use of social media to build business relationships.
Charles Lauller's LinkedIn Strategy
Charles Lauller, SVP of Sales for Bizzuka, who is professionally and personally a very generous individual, learned this lesson the hard way with his initial foray into the use of social media for prospecting and lead generation.
Charles is an avid LinkedIn user who pro-actively connects and networks with others on a daily basis. His first attempts proved fruitless, however, because, to quote Charles, he focused on "pimping Bizzuka and its products." He quickly learned that no one had an interest and changed his tactics to something that, frankly, was much more of a comfortable fit, that of expressing sincere interest in learning about others and offering help.
That altruism turned things around. "Eventually they run out of things to say about themselves, and start asking me about my business," says Charles. The result is he gets between two-five warm leads per week which, according to him, is about the equivalent benefit of making 200 cold calls. "And no one slams the phone in your ear either," quips Charles.
I asked Charles to outline his approach to building business on LinkedIn and he said:
- Drop all of the bogus I'm pimping me and my company bologna.
- Be yourself. Honest, sincere, authentic (assuming that's you) But, whoever you are you will likely attract individuals like yourself to your network.
- It's cliche, but "seek first to understand,then be understood." I always (when seeking to expand my network and connect with people) learn about them from their profile, and ask how I can help them. I've found that when I continually ask others how I can help with recommendations, referrals and/or introductions, they usually want to reciprocate.
Amber Naslund Keeps it Real
Altitude Branding principal and fellow Daily Fix blogger Amber Naslund is another person who understands and employs this "how to win friends" ethos.
This giving attitude has made Amber a rising star. For example, her blog, The Brand Box, routinely garners as many as 30 or more comments per post. Keeping things real is her key to social media success.
"I wish I could tell more people to be real, and quit trying to be everything to everyone," says Amber. "There will always be critics, detractors, and folks you don’t click with. But you’ll reap far more rewards by investing your time and energy in those that you DO connect with and figuring out how you can be helpful to them. Give first, and often. Getting happens naturally."
While not stating it explicitly, Amber pays homage to both Carnegie and the Golden Rule. "The funny thing to me is that these social media tenets aren’t new. They’re basic, common sense fundamentals of communication and customer service," shares Amber. "I think we’re remembering them more than we’re inventing them. It can be as simple as treating others the way you’d want to be treated yourself."
Beth Harte is Not About the Numbers
Beth, a marketing consultant and Daily Fix contributor has, like Amber, also gained quite a bit of attention lately. Though she admits to not having a plan for social media engagement early on, Beth says "it's not about the numbers AT ALL. It's about the people I meet and the conversations that I have or are privy to learn from."
In keeping with the theme of focusing on others, Beth shares these ten guidelines:
- Be real, honest, authentic, transparent (it's what customers/prospects/the community wants)
- Provide valuable content, conversation, help, information, etc. and your community will raise you up
- Be accessible. Your community (customers, prospects, etc.) want to know that they can have a conversation with you, that you will talk back and answer questions, etc.
- Generate conversations that others can join and invite others to participate
- Listen to other people and their opinions (You just might learn something)
- Ask questions. Usually you are asking what others have been thinking
- Help other people including your competition (perceived or not) and have conversations with them. Most customer problems/challenges are industry problems/challenges.
- Put other people first
- Listen to your community and learn
- Surround yourself with people that are smarter than you (hat tip: Mack -- he said it best)
Conclusion
While it may sound trite or cliché, this "do unto others," "give and it shall be given" ethic of reciprocity is universal. Every religion from Buddhism to Zoroastrianism contains some version of it in their tenets, and Carnegie certainly understood its implications for business.
As you grow in your apperception of how to make social media work as a sales and marketing tool, try putting it into practice and see if you don't experience the same benefits as Charles, Amber and Beth. You never know until you try.
What are some ways you've seen this "give first" attitude work in social media marketing? Please feel free to share examples from your own experience and that of others.
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Comments
Great post. It is always nice to know how to use social media to influence people. That is technically what I go after.
Posted by: Blog Expert | 12.31.08
Thanks Paul for the insights. It's always a good idea to keep in mind that people connect to us, or read our posts, for THEIR reasons. It's ultimately about THEM.
Posted by: Paul | OptimalPersuasion.com | 12.31.08
Paul,
Thank you for your thoughts. In my classes I'm constanly running into people who feel Carnegie is "old school" and has no place in this tech oriented society. At the same time I also meet students who feel that we spend way to much time with tech and we have to "become human again". I'm glad to see that there are sales and marketing people like yourself who are savvy enough to blend the two together and make things happen in a big way. Keep making it real.
Posted by: Larry Prevost | 01.01.09
I love how basic principals like this are becoming more mainstream. This goes against the many times i have been told "business is business" and "dog eat dog" and "just win baby" okay that last one was a Raider Nation thing, but those things are not working. It's the company that invites you into their home to have coffee and sit and talk that are winning the business. Great post Paul. Happy New Year to you and all the folks here at Marketing Profs.
Posted by: Jim "Genuine" Turner | 01.01.09
Paul,
Ask the hundreds of thousands of business professionals who give their time to charitable organizations. Those who give generously and unselfishly, with no expectation of return universally say they are rewarded personally and professionally. Interesting how an "abundance mentality" pays off for everyone.
Ed
Posted by: Ed Eppley | 01.01.09
Nowadays i was interested in social media and think i got your article in right time which learned me a lot and my interests upon it increases.Wish you a prosperous new year.
Posted by: seosoeasy | 01.02.09
Big Dale Carnegie fan. Loved it... all the way up to the golden rule bit. This must be one of the more common topics on the internet.
I could be the single human in the known universe that would prefer you not treat me as you would like to be treated. Much better, treat me like I wish to be treated. And I'll be happy to return the courtesy. Who knows? In some cases we may like the same thing. Or not.
Now this is a small thing, perhaps, but these kinds of glib statements get me every time!
As to the popular idea that reciprocity is universally ingrained as a conditioned response, I think those days are gone with Good Ol' Dale.
The imperative to reciprocate has been callused over, slowly but surely, for many.
Posted by: Lindy Asimus | 01.02.09
@PaulChaney, thanks for featuring me in your post, it's much appreciated. My philosophy is just treat other people with dignity and respect. Funny how in business that gets lost in all the politics. I am hopeful that business mindsets are starting to change.
@LarryPrevost, @Jim"Genuine"Turner, @LindyAsimus, maybe because the business culture is becoming more connected, especially online, we will see those callused 'dog eat dog' days coming to an end. I have a feeling that companies that don't start treating customers, prospects and employees properly and with respect won't be around for too much longer. And Dale Carnegie is never old-school. Heck, in fact most people never went to that school...and they probably should have. :)
Posted by: Beth Harte | 01.02.09
Great topic. You could write a book on how Carnegie's advice applies to social media. We've all experienced "drive by" online networking attempts that leave us feeling used - usually because someone is talking at us, not with us.
I also see a lot of Bloggers and Twitter personalities who are incredibly warm and care about their readers. Their numbers show that they know how to win friends.
Posted by: Kathy Hrach | 01.02.09
Timely post. I'm usually on the receiving end of being ambushed by well meaning PR and marketing firms. One of the best approaches was from a person whom I regularly encountered on the same LinkedIn groups and had begun to follow on Twitter. Knowing that we shared a common view made me more receptive when he approached me about what his company had to offer. I suggest that everyone pimping their services via Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, etc... read this article. If how we're marketing is changing, then so should how we sell. Look forward to more articles on this topic!
Posted by: Kim L. | 01.05.09
Thanks for all the comments everyone. I appreciate your insights. As usual, not only do they amplify the truths I was attempting to convey, but provide an even greater measure of value.
@Lindy - I see where you're coming from. I like to be treated like "I" like to be treated as well.
I have to stick to my guns on the "do unto..." philosophy though. Its intent is to consider the other person first, so in my view there is a good likelihood you'll get your wish.
Ultimately, thanks to the advent of social media we get to be human again. It's what Megatrends foresaw -- hi-tech has enabled hi-touch. As to the principles Dale taught, they are timeless and perfectly suited to this new world.
Posted by: Paul Chaney | 01.05.09
How true, Paul. Doesn't the same thing go for in-person networking? The more you give and show interest, the more people become your brand ambassadors.
Posted by: Elaine Fogel | 01.05.09
Good advice. Perfect timing too. I promised myself I'd get started on twitter tonight (only two months after the October seminar...which I really enjoyed by the way). This is a very good reminder of what not to do. Thanks!
Posted by: Martha | 01.05.09
I try to treat colleagues and clients far better than they expect. You never know what kind of morning, night, meeting, etc. they had prior to seeing you, and what impact the incidence had on their behavior. It is very important to communicate a positive message. The sales rule is to answer a telephone with a smile... now I blog with a smile.
Posted by: Nancy Selig | 01.06.09
I enjoyed your post immensely and I am embarrassed to remember my first days starting a company blog for a previous employer and adding nothing but links to our products. There really was no conversation there. I just didn't get it.
Having been in Customer Service in some form or another for the last 15 years, I can attest that the most difficult thing to learn and to teach is how to be authentic in your communication.
People much prefer to be talked to rather than talked at. And reciprocity, listening BEFORE speaking is definitely the cornerstone of that.
Posted by: Carri Bright | 01.07.09
@Elaine @Martha @Nancy @Carri - I think Dale's advice is especially relevant given these hard times we're facing. Getting close to your customers, treating them with respect and sincere interests can only bode well. Don't you agree?
Posted by: Paul Chaney | 01.08.09
Nice site you have!
Posted by: Lesbiche | 01.27.09
Interessante Informationen.
Posted by: lieben | 03.03.09