lewis, i supposed the best thing to do is to forget everything and not smile everytime looking client's face!!margarita leaves a reasonable headache but no memory. cheers.

Tough one. I think if we care about our clients' well-being like we should, it seems only natural to develop friendships with them. On the other hand, I would probably use caution when throwing alcohol into the mix. I'm sure different people have varying levels of success (or failure) with that, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution.

Gianandrea,

And I love the headaches. My posts sometimes say less about what I think then what I am trying to figure out.

It is truly amazing the topics that I have found on this site.

Since I am not in Marketing I am not really sure what the protocol is, but being a practical person I see it both ways.
If I were to hire a firm to work for me, I am doing so off of their credentials so it should not really matter what happened in they’re past personal life.

Then again I have always heard the quickest way to lose a friend is to go into business with them. Telling them what they need to hear is always tougher when it comes to friends and family, even though it should be easier.

as well as my comments.

Cam and Jeff,

Great comments. Let me add one more piece to the puzzle.

Yesterday I was in NYC to meet CK and a potential client from Chicago.

Ck is a natural because she is a peer and many of my friends live in marketing. Sometimes we bid on the same projects. Never a problem: I love them all. (By the way, CK is amazing!)

But here is the turn of the screw. The potential client is a successful business person whom I taught in 4th Grade nearlyn 30 years ago. We have been friends for the past 15 years. (He's all grown up now.)

He has seen me at my best and at my most authentic weird and crazy self, yet he still wants me to sit on the Advisory Board of his new company. (Hmm. Maybe he wants me to bring the beer.)

NOTE: So you don't think I stumble through life, I am coming clean: I seldom drink any more, except wine for dinner. But that's my life today. I still love a good party.

Lewis -- what's the phrase? "If you can't stand the heat, don't tickle the dragon!"

Seriously -- this is an interesting issue. An extension of it is when and how business professionals should fraternize with colleagues and employees.

I'm not sure that I agree that "business relationships most often are better off conceived between guideposts that keep personal stories left untold," but I can't say I disagree, either. (How's THAT for a stake in the ground...lol!) Ultimately, I see it a question of degrees... how quickly any individual tends to warm up, how much kinship one person feels with another, how open a person is in general, and (perhaps most of all!) how much you've been burned in the past!

Ann,

Great insights! The casualties came in the form of corporate friends made, corporate jobs harder to do; and in consulting jobs lost before I attained them.

Even in the interview process (potential clients and corporate), I am my authentic self. Everybody is treated like my best friend. So, when I speak of guidelines, I really am asking the question: What are readers' experiences?

It's too late for me to change (and besides, I don't want to). And the potential clients I lose probably wouldn't like working with me.

In CK's words: "You can hire someone really good, you can hire someone really good who you like working with, or you can hire someone really good who you like working with and who is also lots of fun.

I think sometimes people are frightened by that third thing.

Oh, yeah. Thanks for the hug, Ann. I love the third thing. Can't wait to meet you.

Lewis- I think I probably straddle the fence (bar?) on this one. I would agree that we do need to be cautious, with or without the booze-factor, with our client relationships.

I do go out of my way to establish relationships with customers/ clients, but you do have to feel your way through the process and define the approach. There are some customers/ clients that I could probably belch in front of and get a high five and others who I am better off just sticking to the the "yessir/ no sir" model of business. Like all of our relationships, it just comes down to knowing who you are dealing with. The old rule of thumb "when in doubt, don't" comes in to play.

Great post; we'll have to have a few beers to discuss in greater detail.

Tim,

Your advice is sage and right on, I think. And, yes, we should get together over beers (or coffee).

Coffee's good too. I'm an even bigger coffee snob than I am a beer snob... for the record.

Worked for Starbucks, helped open a coffee shop and worked for a very high-end coffeehouse art gallery in my starving artist poet days.

Whoa boy! I worked at Starbucks: Manager Internal Communications 1996 - 99. Do you ever get to the right Coast? I lived in Seattle for 20 years and when I was a travel writer, I sometimes wrote for the LA Times and the San Francisco Chronicle.

Lewis - Interesting discussion. So how about the other side of the question: what about when you're doing work for people who are your friends to being with? I've got one client now, a small software company, co-founded by one of my oldest friends. Other than figuring out pretty quickly that we didn't need to hug each other everytime I showed up at work, it hasn't been awkward. Everybody knows Peter and I have known each other forever, I've become friends with another person who works there, it's small and open, etc. But I can easily imagine circumstances under which my being such a long-time friend of someone who's now gone and hired me as a consultant could get uncomfortable and contentious, even. Thoughts, anyone?

Maureen,

Great question. I consulted for a major west coast hospital. I was hired by a VP that I once reported to at another business. Since we had left the first business, we had become close friends.

Worked out great! But neither of us are afraid to speak up and say what is on our minds, and neither of us are overly sensitve to straight-forward talk. It could have been a train wreck otherwise.

Yesterday, I agreed to sit on the Advisory Board and oversee the communications of a new business (as a consultant, not as a hire). The President and CEO is a successful marketer. I taught him in 4th grade. Doesn't get much weirder than that. I'll let you know next year how that works out. (We have set guidelines about where the buck stops.)

What if I turned it around a bit: what does it mean if I like my vendors/vendor reps, and have an in-office rapport with them, but don't really desire to have an outside of the office relationship/friendship with them. Or, let's take it a step further: I have coworkers who I love working with, but I don't choose to be friends with outside of the office. Is that bad? (Perhaps I just want to make sure that I keep my business relationships totally above board... and I don't drink with that many people, in a business setting or other wise...)

One final step: I have a fabulous set of friends outside of work, and because I value them so much as friends, I choose to not work with them in business relationships. Is that bad too?

Jill,

I think you represent the majority thinking, and I don't know what is good or bad.

Mostly, I fall into your camp but I think my extroverted personality is sometimes misunderstood and business associates think I want to be their best friend.

Sometimes I do (e.g., those who I am getting to know better here at MarketingProfs); mostly I'm just be me.

It's so confusing. As Ann says, treat everyone like a "who", and we are all better for it.